BAK Day 2 - Hot, Hotter, Hottest!!

Well, as you know, with me it's always an adventure... My CPAP battery was completely shot and I wasn't going to be able to use it. So the great guys at Bubba's Pampered Peddlers Daisy chained me in to a power source with the other guy on he trip with a CPAP. Which, by the way, is a huge pain but aids in amazing sleep. So this morning I slept through my alarm... oops!! I woke to the feeling of drowning and suffocating all at the same time. There is just no other way to explain it. I look outside of my tent to see one of the young men, who are tearing down tents, holding both sides of the cord in his hands. Apparently he didn't know what it was there for, and it was time for me to get up... oh well!! I was dressed, breakfasted and ready to go by 7am. A little later than I would have liked, but still totally doable. Today the temperature was supposed to reach a high of 101 degrees and we were to have 40mph direct cross winds until we reached Ness City, KS and turned North. I was under direct orders not to get dehydrated today, so I filled my 3L hydration pack and 2-24oz water bottles in addition to putting a couple of extra bottles of water in my bag. 

Once on the road, it was hard going. When I left the school it seemed that I was one of the last few out of the starting gate. It is very disheartening to thing that you are going to be last. I can be competitive. Not quite as competitive as one of my dear friends. who can turn ANYTHING into a competition, but I don't like to lose. Does anyone? While I was riding in a 40mph crosswind, I gave myself a moment to lament and then I pulled myself up by my bootstraps (or shoe laces - as it were) and told myself to get over it.

One of my favorite sayings posted on the wall at Adamant CrossFit, where I like to workout, is "No Ego." It's one of the reasons I love to go to the gym there. While there are the super buff and the first timers, everyone is appreciated for who they are, where they are, when they are... everyone is trying to reach their own PR (personal record), and everyone is cheering each other on the entire way. We are a team. Everyone
 is at a different stage or level, but we are a team or family, and we support each other no matter what. I just told myself to drop the Ego... I don't have to be first, and i may just be last... but I won't quit until I have to. 

In this ridiculous crosswind, my goals became much shorter... you can make it to the mile marker... you can make it to the fence post... you can make it to the roadkill... you can make it to the next tree (which are ridiculously few and far between in Western KS)... and so in. I also gave myself permission to take breaks as needed. Realize this... sometimes the little breaks are just as important as pushing yourself. But, I will get to more about that later.

One of my hamstrings started to cramp up, so I pulled over to stretch a little... when I looked back, Li and behold, there were about 150 cyclists behind me. See what hindsight can do?!? Here I was thinking I was last out, and there were all these people behind me. All I could see was what was directly in front of me... my blinders were in... alright Ego, begone!!! I can't tell you how many people passed me today, saying, "on your left." And to each one I replied with a thank you and some form of good job or keep up the good work... no Ego... everyone is working on their very own PR.

Well, wouldn't you know it, once I got to the 2nd SAG stop, the apple juice that I had for breakfast reminded me why you don't have apple juice for breakfast. I had my very own digestive emergency, in the middle of nowhere, without a restroom, porta-john, or outhouse in sight. Why in the WORLD I had apple juice for breakfast is beyond me. That's a rookie mistake. EVERY parent knows not to give a kiddo apple juice, particularly on a long trip. I'm going to blame it on the altitude and leave it at that. Regardless, there was no waiting and there was not an appropriate place to go... meaning fields of dirt and short cut drainage ditches... Not Happening! I caught the SAG heading into the next town for ice, about 13 miles away, and took care of the problem. 

While I was there, in Ness City, I came across the coolest convenience store I have ever seen. They had everything... and I do mean everything. There was a firearms case behind the register, fishing gear, hunting gear, cooking/camping gear, clothing... you name it - they probably had it. It was about the size of the customer service area at Walmart, and had at least as much variety as Walmart. Needless to say, I was impressed, but I didn't need any of that today. So I grabbed some pretzels and jerky and headed down the road. 

This is where we turned north to head towards the final destination of Wakeeney, KS. Since we had been riding hard in a 40 mph crosswind, it was wonderful to have the wind pushing me instead of me pushing against the wind. The scenery became more rolling, with long 
ascents and even longer descents. On the way to our lunch stop I found myself going over 24 mph down a hill, and it felt great. 

Now, let's stop and talk descents for a moment. I don't care what anyone has told you... any cyclist going downhill with their hiney off the seat is not doing it for speed... NO, they are doing it to take the pressure off their sensitive bits, which tend to get VERY sensitive on a long ride. Hence why I gave myself permission to take breaks as needed. Sometimes taking 2-5 min off the bike can give you the umph to go farther than just powering through. So remember, sometimes it's about pushing yourself, and other times it's about taking a much needed break. And trust me, I used EVERY descent to its full advantage.

We got to the turnoff for Ransom, where we were to have lunch, which was graciously prepared by the local VFW. Those two miles into town were brutal. We turned back to the south east and it was like pedaling through cement. I could walk faster than I was pedaling. Those two miles in and out were infinitely harder than the entire trip had been thus far. We kept wondering to ourselves if this was going to be worth it. All of the riders coming out of town said it was worth it. True, the food was amazing and they did a wonderful job, but I was spent, and I still had 24 miles to go. Ugh!

After lunch we began our final leg of the journey to Wakeeney. The temperature was rising and the heat was radiating off of the black top. I was applying sunscreen every 30 minutes because I was sweating it off so quickly. Keep in mind that I refilled all of my water at every SAG stop and in Ness City, and made sure to drink it all between stops... again, I was under strict orders not to get dehydrated. The 3rd SAG stop I sat in the shade and drank two bottles of water before filling my gear to get in the road. At this point, every little sign, fence post, electric pole, etc. has become my next goal. I was exhausted and very hot. 

For those that don't know, I am of Nordic decent. I tolerate the cold weather really well, but I do not react well to heat. I turn all different alarming shades of color and typically worry those around me, even LONG before I am dehydrated. 

I knew I wasn't dehydrated... trust my nursing skills here because I'm not going into details... but I knew I was going to overheat before long. In the distance, I saw a little white clapboard church and I told myself that I would make it to the church, about 4 miles from the last SAG. I knew if I could get there, I could call for a SAG pick up and they would easily be able to locate me. When I turned in to the driveway of Zion Lutheran Church, there were bicycles lined up near the trees, but no one to be found. Lo and behold, Mrs. Anderson, the pastors wife, had seen the cyclists on the road, turned on the AC and opened the church for us. The water fountain was refrigerated and cold. The restrooms were clean and the building felt like heaven. She kept apologizing for not having anything else for us, and we kept reminding her that just being there at the right time had been blessing enough for us. 

I sat with a cold compress on my neck, in the AC, drinking water until I was able to cool down. One of the SAG vehicles pulled in while I was sitting here and asked if I wanted to be taken into town. I was feeling a little better, so I told her I would text her if I needed the ride. I got back on the road and doggedly pedaled to the next SAG stop. Apparently I looked alarmingly bad, because they offered me the only chair with an awning - remember, no shade in western KS - and filled my water bottle. I did some real soul searching at that time because I knew I didn't have to finish, and yet I really wanted to finish today. I decided to keep going. They said it was about 10 miles to town, so I headed out. Here were some fabulous downhill slopes and I was going to use each one to its best advantage to get me up the next hill. At one point, I was doing almost 36mph. That is the fastest I have ever gone on a bicycle. The last 1/4 mile into town was straight up... double UGH. When I got to the top of he hill, there was a Subway in a convenience store where I stopped for the restroom, cold water and the cool air. 

While I was there, I found 5 guys who were also with BAK, that had stopped for a late lunch. Since they were getting ready to go to he school, I invited myself to be part of their group back. This was mostly because I needed a little extra motivation to go the last 2 miles. They graciously agreed.

When I got into tent city, our guide for the week grabbed my bike and ordered me to sit down and drink something. Apparently I looked much worse for the wear. He put my bike at my tent while I guzzled still more water and a couple of pickles, YUM!! When I was feeling a little better, I went I to the gym, where the ac was going at full blast, to lay down and put my feet up. About 15 min later I was back to my old self... but of course still looked awful. Even a shower didn't help... the awful colors would have to go away on their own. 

BAK has its very own singing group that goes to nursing homes along the route to sing Barbershop music. They invited me to come sing with them and rehearsals began. We even got to sing the KS state song tonight, at the premier of the documentary, Home on the Range. I'm their utility person, except for bass, because I just can't go there. It was great fun and we even offered the audience to sing with us.

After that, I went to dinner with the two ladies who had 
gotten dehydrated yesterday. What a wonderful time we had, laughing, joking, and getting to know each other.

All in all, I rode 58 of the 71 miles, and I'm proud of that.Today I learned that I am tougher that I think I am. And so are you. I also learned that encouraging others ALL DAY LONG has a huge positive effect on my overall outlook. And, I didn't die or get dehydrated... mission accomplished!!

BAK Day 1 - ESI

After minimal sleep on the bus and a hard ride yesterday, I grabbed a quick bite for dinner and was asleep by 7:30 M.T. The temperature dropped into the low 60s and I slept better than I have slept in a very long time, especially with the help of earplugs.  I love the cold... I tolerate the heat (barely). Now, another adventure... you know what that means... by about midnight, the battery on my CPAP died, which woke me right up. That led to a midnight walk, or shall we say wobble, and back to bed. Thankfully, I was able to sleep the rest of the night without any other complications.

Anyone who has ever participated in a BAK knows that if you are going to make it to your destination, you MUST leave before 7am. Otherwise, you are out in the worst heat of the day and often don't arrive until dinner time. I was up, dressed and ready to go at 6:30am. Seeing that I forgot to set my alarm clock, I was pretty proud of this accomplishment. Breakfast was provided by the Greeley Co 4H and they had a variety of offerings that made for a delicious meal. Since I was on the road by 6:30, I was sure that I would get to Dighton, KS in a fairly timely manner, but not the last person in.

As I traveled down the road, songs from musicals kept popping into my head, which I sang at the cadence I was pedaling. I don't have any kind of portable speaker on my bike, so my brain has to provide all of my musical entertainment. Thank goodness I hear the entire band or orchestra complete w/ soloist and back up singers. It's like my very own radio in my head, and I can play any genre I like. Maybe the aliens implanted a radio transmitter/receiver in my head?!? But, I digress. While pedaling past miles and miles of wheat, I could hear Dakota from The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band, and Oklahoma from Oklahoma. And of course, every time I would pass a field full of cows, I would hear Home on the Range. In addition, I had lots of different songs running through my head, all different genere and types, some in slow and others in fast forward, as I was not willing to change the tempo of my cadence. 

I have learned that I care about people. I don't always like people, but I care about people. You could be my best friend or worst enemy and I am going to give you the best possible treatment that I can. This is a strength, and a weakness. About 30 miles into my day, I came across a gentleman who didn't look good. Since I volunteer as a SAG Medic (we are all Paramedics, Nurses, Nurse Practitioners, and Doctors - but to make it easier they call us the Medics. We are not in any way slighting the Paramedic professionals and know that their jobs are very important), I stopped and asked him about his symptoms. Unfortunately, he was having left sided chest pain and palpatations. This means an immediate trip to the Emergency Department, like it or not. I had him sit down and I called 911 - walked up to the nearest mile marker to identify our location and then went back to sit with him. Since he had a previous CVA or Stroke, his words were somewhat jumbled, he had memory deficits and residual one sided weakness. Talk about making it difficult. He could remember his name, but not his birthday, and after looking through all of his pockets and bike bags, determined that he did not have any identification on him. Word to the wise... if you are going to be riding your bike across kansas, or doing anything for that matter, please take your ID and insurance card, at the very least. I was also in contact with the BAK emergency number to let them know what was going on. Leoti Volunteer Emergency Medical Service sent out their finest. One young man, on his way to a funeral, turned his family around to respond. The Fire Chief also arrived on-scene, both in their own private vehicles. Once the ambulance arrived and the gentleman was packaged up, his bike on the back of one of their trucks, they ran up the road to the Wichita County Health Center, where they took great care of him. I know because they called me later that morning to get report on his presenting symptoms and an update on his status. No HIPAA violations occurred.

Once he was all taken care of, I was about an hour behind. But, being daunted by nothing, I set out to continue on my way.  About 33 miles into the day, I came across another casualty. Two young ladies were overheated and out of water. They had been riding in 95 degree heat with only one 24oz un-insulated water bottle. They were in a pretty bad way and needed immediate assistance again. I provided water and got in contact with the SAG, who happened to be in the area. After getting these ladies into the air conditioned vehicle, water bottles filled & bikes loaded, I was more than 2 hours behind. At that point, it was in the heat of the day and I would not have made it to the next stop in a timely or safe manner. At that point, I joined the SAG and spent the rest of the day picking up injured and overheated riders. At the end of the day, one of the riders said that the heat coming off of the road was 105 degrees!! That's hot!! 

When I got into Dighton, I was able to see just how the heat had affected everyone. Tent city didn't get set up completely until very late in the afternoon because the workers had to take frequent breaks.  We crowded into the air conditioned gym to cool down. It took a lot NG time for everyone to become rejuvenated after all the heat. It was quite the day.

So, you've read all the way through and are thinking, "What in the world is ESI?" When I came out here this year, I was under the thought process that I would need to ride the entire thing... all 522 miles, to prove that I did it. I learned that is called an ESI rider. In polite terms, it stands for Every Stinking Inch (I changed the acronym to fit he audience). There are riders in this world who believe that you have not completed an event if you have not participated in every single part of the planned route. Meaning that if you got off your bike at mile marker 127 and rode up to a restroom break at mile marker 135, those miles in between didn't count, unless you went back to mile marker 127 and started from there again. Now, this is not how I feel about BAK, but the conversation got me thinking... I don't have to do every single mile to be successful. In fact, I was just as successful in helping people as I was in riding, even though I only got to ride half way. I was able to educate a whole slew of people about hydration because of the mistake of a few.

Something else I learned is that it's not always all or nothing. Sometimes it's in the in-between that we are the biggest blessing to others or become blessed ourselves. It's not always perfection or the pursuit of perfection that is most important. It is in giving our best in every possible situation, whether it turns out the way we want it to, or not.

I will say that in this experience, I have met many more people than I would have expected and can imagine that we will remember each other for years to come. Good night from Dighton, KS.

Pre-BAK: Bikes, Buses, Beats and B.O.

***Note: I am not able to upload photos at this time, but will add them as I am able.***

What's the worst that could happen? A pipe could burst in the basement and you have to turn all the water off the night before meeting the bus... meaning no shower after work before leaving. You could be on a bus full of people and someone smells like B.O. (Although it could have been me?!?) You could have to deal with the herd mentality and be told that even though they told you that lunch was 1hr and you set your alarm for 45min, that you are late because everyone else is ready to leave. You could put on a pair of pants that don't fit anymore and spend the day hauling them up like a hoodlum... but I digress. In all of these situations, I chalked them up to part of the adventure and either MacGuyvered it or made due. 

Somehow I got a seat on the bus on to myself. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I fell asleep between where we left and the first stop to get people. Which is highly interesting because I don't fall sleep (or stay asleep) on planes, trains, or automobiles. Surely it has to do with the fact that I worked last night. 

The bus driver must know Papa (my Dad). So far, every rest stop has been at a Pilot or Flying J. I feel right at home! When we stopped for lunch, the crowds lined up at the closest eating places: McDonalds, Arby's and Subway. I decided to go for a short walk and found a Jimmy John's without a line. Best sandwich of the trip! 

We got into Tribune, KS and got set up at Greeley Co HS. Part of the registration fee for BAK includes lodging at the local HS or community center. You can either be a gym rat or hang out in tent city and often people will alternate to allow everyone to have the opportunity to rotate through the air conditioning.  For those of us staying at Bubba's Pampered Peddlers, we headed off to tent city. The first year I participated in BAK 2014, it was Padre's Cycle Inn, but he retired after that season. They are under new ownership, but are still worth the price if you happen to participate in an event where either are available. 

I choose to pay a little extra and use Bubba's Pampered Peddlers. With this option, they set up the tents, provide cool drinks and snacks, and have an area with chairs for resting. One of the benefits to this, is that when you get into town your tent set up and ready for you. You grab your gear and head to the showers, which they provide towels for - Hooray, less to pack! For me it's worth every penny. And, every year I meet a new and interesting group of people in addition to the friends I made in the past.

The options upon arrival were to check-in right away and do the border in the morning, or since the bus was a bit late arriving, to ride out to the CO border and then check in. The ride out to the border is on your own no matter when you chose to do it. So, after unloading the busses and transport trucks of the bikes, I opted to ride out to the border first, because I didn't think I would be able to do the 32 miles round trip on top of tomorrow's 71 miles.

There were lots of vehicles passing who were dropping their riders off at the border to ride back in, which is what I did my first year.. I didn't blame them... there was a 30 mph cross wind on top of 95 degree heat. Those 32 miles were a struggle without SAG stops for water and snacks every 10 miles. Surrounded by fields of wheat and blue sky as far as the eye could see, it was a beauty to behold. It was also a great test run to prepare for a big day tomorrow.  Of course, when I got to the border I had my picture taken... who wouldn't?!? 

Now, something to note. I am beautifully and wonderfully made, but it is a rare occasion that you will get a picture of me, let alone a picture of me in bicycle pants. I am not ashamed of how I look. In fact, I am pretty proud of my strength and accomplishments, although the exterior shell doesn't always reflect what is going on underneath. Although, just like any female, I have my moments of self doubt. I also have moments of weakness, where I find myself comparing my attributes to other women, which never turns out well. Always humbling, to say the least. It hasn't always been that way. My past is riddled with Life, just as it is for nearly everyone I know. For a long time, my normal, appropriate, REAL body was compared side-by-side with pictures of airbrushed imaginary females (for truly they are not a depiction of real women). This is a devastating comparison, because no matter what I could do, there is no way I could have ever attained that level of perfection - as there really is no such thing. And, while my self-esteem took a tremendous hit over those years, it is becoming strong again, slowly, but surely.

I don't like to have my picture taken... not sure why... always has been, but it is what it is. And, like any woman, I don't particularly like to be photographed in skin tight clothing... but again, it is what it is. It's kind of hard to bicycle a long way without a good pair of padded shorts... trust me on this. I'm proud of this picture. It's the result of a lot of hard work, infinite grace and the beginning of a renewal of my spirit. 

The return trip was so much harder than the way out. After sitting on a bus all day, my muscles were atrophied and my knees, sore. I am about to share something few people know about me, and it makes me a huge nerd. I'm a percussionist... the consummate band geek. When I run, which I only do under duress or my life is in imminent danger, I have to have a constant steady beat to maintain my speed and determination. I have yet to find a good CD or music track that has all of the music at the same tempo. I've heard that there are some apps that slow or speed up your playlist to match a tempo, but I haven't found a free one yet. So, I run using military cadences - I have since I was in high school. I have Marine Corps, Rangers, Special Forces, SEALS, Air Force... The jodies are fun and the tempo never changes... so, to get back, I sang  the cadences in my head and took it one mile at a time. By the time I got back, I could hardly walk. I mean, leaning on the bike and gripping for dear life, knees wobbling... hardly walk. It's too bad you can't Slip in a crosswind on a bicycle.

But, hey... I didn't die! Not even close! And I am stronger today than I was yesterday.

A New Adventure - Biking Across Kansas (BAK)

Life is messy. Life has ups and downs. When life happens, it can turn you on your head, whip you around and throw you on the ground. What you do when life happens determines what comes next in life. You can pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get back on the horse or you can wallow in your misery and let life trample you. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps doesn't necessarily mean that life will get easier anytime soon, but it's the difference between moving forward or being stagnant; being a victor or being a victim.

I am starting a new adventure. Life as I knew it has come to an end and I am learning to live, make do, and start over with an entirely new set of circumstances.  Don't get me wrong. I didn't see it as an adventure when Life happened, and I surely wanted to lay down and wallow. But, I have littles that need me to be the best Mama that I can be. So, I picked myself up by the bootstraps and take one day at a time. Not every day is a good day, but not every day is a bad day.

My mother tells me to think of it as eating an Elephant - one bite at a time. A friend of mine and I decided that we are really tired of eating Elephant and may need to switch to Bison or Rhinoceros - or possibly go Vegetarian. Lots of new and different things (not all fun or exciting) are happening, and it is all about getting used to the new normal.

One part of my new adventure includes something that is dear to my heart. I love to ride my bicycle. Now, some people enjoy a leisurely ride around the neighborhood, or a jaunt to the nearby city/county park for a picnic. Some people enjoy the paved trails and others enjoy the dirt trails. I love to ride my bicycle... any of those things sound fun. But, I love to ride my bicycle a long way. So long, in fact, that many people think I'm crazy, although there are at least 850 people who think like me.
This year, I am participating in Biking Across Kansas by myself. This means that over the course of 8 days, I will ride my bicycle 522 miles. Now you begin to understand why they think I'm nuts.  To me, this is a wonderful adventure, filled with long solitary rides (with 849 other people) through the beautiful Kansas countryside. Camping out every night under the stars, although I could stay in the community centers or gyms, but it wouldn't be the same. 

The first time I participated in this event, it was a fun filled family adventure. My mother drove the car while my kiddos took turns riding on the pull-a-bike behind me.  They each rode anywhere from 5-18 miles per day. While one rode with me, the other went on an adventure with Grandmama, where they found all of the playgrounds, museums, parks and quirky road stops along the riding route. Then, we would detach their bike and I would get to fly down the road. I met so many nice people, both as part of the group and in each town and city we rode through.  And the hospitality was 

unmatched. The kids had an amazing time and really bonded with their Grandmama, who lives 2000 miles away and visits are too few and far between. As for me, I loved every minute. There were only two legs that I did not fully participate in on that trip. The first was the day that was comparable to Noah's flood while the SAG (Support and Gear) trucks were riding up and down the highway picking up riders and their bikes to haul to the next stop, only to find out there was a tornado nearby - sending us all into the nearest storm shelters. The second was the day we went onto Fort Scott. I am a military brat and had not been onto a Base, Post, Fort or Camp in years, so my mom indulged me in a trip to the Commissary and PX (Post Exchange). You have no idea how amazing it is, unless you have had the opportunity to visit one. It is so peaceful and orderly on the Fort. On any military base, in fact. Everything is in place and there is a calm amidst the chaos of the world. Ask any Veteran or dependent... they will tell you.

Biking Across Kansas or
BAK (pronounced by saying each letter, not as one word)

This year, I have been preparing to participate in BAK for several months. I have completed rides in all kinds of weather, all times of the day and night, and short sprints vs. long rides.  Then Life happened. I wasn't sure if I was even going to be able to participate. Yet here I am.  Tomorrow is the day. I board a bus to drive across the width of Kansas to join an ever growing group of people who love to ride their bikes. All. By. Myself. On one hand, I am looking forward to some time all by myself. It is such a rare treat, as a mother, to have the opportunity to spend quiet time all alone. Now, don't assume that by my previous statement that I don't love my children or enjoy spending time with them. But think about it... how often do we moms really get to completely break from reality and spend some time renewing our spirits and remembering who we are outside of parenthood? The anticipation of this trip has been building for months now, and the time has come. 

But, I almost didn't make it here. When Life happened 8 months ago, the walls came crashing down around me and let the sea in at such a rapid rate that I began drowning. Life was, and still is, hard. Change became the new normal, and while I have never been afraid of or disliked change, there has been more than even I have been able to handle. Depression is a hereditary foe that has overtaken so many good people. Depression as I have never known before, took hold and threatened to smother me for months, though if you asked anyone who is around me much, they would not have guessed. We put on a brave face and try to soldier through, for our children, our family, our friends and our co-workers.

Panic, like ice cold hands gripping my arms and squeezing my chest, began to set in as comments such as "you don't have to do this" or "nobody is going to fault you if you chicken out" or "you've never completed the entire thing before, so you probably won't finish this time" and "have you figured out how you're going to get back home?", were thrown out at me, by well meaning friends and family. Up until yesterday, I wasn't even sure that I would go on this trip and do this thing which makes me happy. Why? Why would the negative words of a few outweigh the joy that this brings to me? Why would it throw me into a tailspin and make me doubt myself?

Why would I be so overwhelmed and panic stricken? Because Life happened. Everything I thought I knew about myself was gone, and different, and strange. I didn't trust my judgement anymore. I didn't trust myself and I sure don't trust anyone else. 

I was so overwhelmed with anxiety and panic, that I drove over to VBS and, with a wild and crazy look in my eyes, asked my trusted friend for her advice. She sat down with me and looked me right in the eye, which of course, started the waterworks. I told her everything about Life over the past 8 months - the good, the bad and the horrific. I told her about my fears going in to this week and all of the built up stress that has been loaded up into my imaginary backpack. I love my friend for her brutal and beautiful honesty. She said, "Leah, tell me the worst thing that could happen. Right now. Think of the absolute worst possible things that could happen on this trip." We started listing them:

• I could get hit by a car and die somewhere along the line, leaving my kids without a mother.
• I could wear out and not finish.
• I could get injured and require hospitalization in an unfamiliar area.
• I could get sick and infect all of the rest of the riders.

The more we talked about all of the possibilities, the less scary they seemed. I have a contingency plan for my kiddos, should something happen to me. So what if I don't finish or get sick... I'll just phone a friend and "get the heck out of Dodge." These are (mostly) not life changing scenarios. She also reminded me that  I am not doing this alone. There are 849 other people who will be out on the road, some faster and some slower than I am, with a whole group of ancillary people who come along just to support the riders with food, water and rides when necessary. And, I am one of the volunteer Medics... I have a job to do. The reality became much less scary.  

I love how St. Francis of Assisi put it, "Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." I don't have to focus on the entire trip. I can focus on one hour at a time. And if that is too overwhelming, I can focus on one minute at a time. And if I get tired, I can take a break. It's that simple.

I began to look forward to my trip again. I went home, finished packing and slept better than I have slept in a very long time. There was such a peace in that rest that surpassed all understanding. After days of torturing myself, I woke up this morning ready to go and excited for the day. Last minute technical adjustments to the bike, arranging & rearranging gear, and errands to run kept me busy most of the day.  A good nap and off to work a night shift... the time has nearly come to meet the bus. 

I am going to do this. And, I am going to have fun doing it - even if it kills me. I'm not going to do it all at once, but one segment at a time... one SAG stop at a time... one mile or minute at a time. I refuse to give up. Although Life happened with changes that occurred seemingly overnight, Life has been building up for the crash for a long time. In this way, I cannot expect Life to back off overnight. 

The repercussions and aftermath may take the rest of my lifetime to settle down, although I pray it isn't so. And, when Life gets so overwhelming that I cannot breathe or swim or even float, I have to remember to reach out to those who really care about my wellbeing. I have to remember to ask. Did you know that people don't know how to help you if you don't ask? It's true. Do you know what else is true? True friends want you to ask for their help. Each friend brings something special to the relationship. Some are doers, some are fixers, some are listeners, some are feeders, some are growers, but they all are special. I have found that the most reliable friends are not the people whom have been known the longest, but those who are by your side through thick and thin, and during hardships and messes. Some we may have known for a lifetime, and others a matter of days or weeks. They are the ones who will tell you the truth, no matter how much it hurts, because they truly care.

I can't wait to see what this adventure holds for me. I can't wait to learn to love and trust myself even more throughout this process. I can't wait for some peace and quiet... some time to myself. It is going to be a beautiful day and an amazing week, and I will be all the more courageous in the long run, even if I am not able to make it all the way to the end.  See you in Leavenworth!